Getting Over the Fear of Failing.

As an emerging artist it is often easy to fall behind or underestimate your own work. This has always been a setback for me in my own practice.

It began with the expectations set upon me by my family. Art was never seen as a career but more of a past time. I was expected to have a more financially stable career like being a Doctor, a Lawyer or a Teacher. Because $$$ was supposed to make me happy? But, I didn't fall for it. It wasn't until my second year at community college that I began to embrace the arts, so much so, that as I transferred out into UC, Irvine I decided to change my major from Biochemistry to Art and this was not taken graciously but in the end it was what I wanted to do with my life. However, this didn't mean I was free. This move became a constant reminder of 'what I could've done or had'. It even lingered until after I graduated from Uni. When my BA in Art couldn't help me land a job that paid $1 above minimum wage, it only crushed me more to think that maybe I had made the wrong choice...

So I worked at the United States Postal Service for a year after graduating because it paid better than any unpaid art internships and helped me pay off my school debt. It also was a workout to be lugging heavy equipment and throwing heavy parcels. But it wasn't what I wanted to do and the long hours never allowed me to make art. After a year, I got a teaching artist job for a local museum where I worked at their after-school center and created, planned and taught STEAM lessons.

I stuck around and eventually got promoted to be an Education Coordinator which had more responsibilities but I enjoyed the challenge. This place allowed me to make art but most of it was crafty or random. I loved working with children, the public and using my skills to educate them on various subjects. Yet, the social inequities at this museum eventually wore me and several of my collogues out, to the point that we were no longer motivated to keep contributing to an institution that reveled in racist practices. Because of this I left amid a global pandemic and impending economic crisis, the stress and heartache were no longer worth it. But, I am grateful for my dissent and departure of this place because it finally gave me the time to focus on my family and my art.

I didn't fail in my career choice because it ultimately made me happy.

I didn't fail in getting a "real job" because the art world has already predestined artists that don't come from wealth to stay at the bottom.

I didn't fail to keep my art job because the organization failed to hear it's employees and help the public it is meant to serve.

I didn't fail as an artist because I finally found what I have been looking for.

In short, life will take you up, down and around in circles but you must remember to take some Air-borne and enjoy the ride.

You're not failing, you're right where you're supposed to be.

#failure #failing #life #self #me #background #artist #career #goals #destiny #racism #staystrong #keeponclucking